


point of no return

by SilentRabidWriter



Category: Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Manipulation, Missing Scene, Porn With Plot, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:20:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22560871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentRabidWriter/pseuds/SilentRabidWriter
Summary: During his Ordeal, Alex makes a decision. It doesn't hold up to reality.
Relationships: Alexander of Tirragen/Roger of Conté
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	point of no return

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hearteating](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearteating/gifts).



> Thank you for letting me ruin my childhood in the best way possible.  
> I read the books as a teenager, and I never thought of this until I saw it in the tags. How could I have been so blind? This is everything I want in a ship.  
> Writing it was a delight and I hope you enjoy what I did.

When Alex first entered the room, he was met with a deafening silence and perfect darkness. Without warning, fog swept in out of nowhere, obscuring his sight and leaving him utterly disoriented. The walls couldn’t be far away, but when he tried to reach for them, his hands passed through the air without touching anything.

The sudden, gentle scraping of hooves sent a shiver down his spine. Something was here.

Through the fog, he could make out a looming shape. It approached him slowly as if it had all the time in the world to get to him. Alex didn’t flinch. He was better than that.

But when the shape of an abnormally huge boar emerged, an icy chill went down his back. The animal stared at him with unusually intelligent eyes. They were glowing red and terrible fear gripped his heart. 

Did Roger send it to take care of him? Had he lost his usefulness?

With a deep roar, the boar charged and Alex barely held back a scream as he tumbled backward, falling onto the floor. Just before it reached him, however, the animal vanished and in its place stood a tall man.

“You failed,” Roger told him with gentle disappointment. “You’re just a liability.”

Defiantly, Alex stared back at this specter of his knight-master. Roger would never say something like that, no matter what his fears tried to tell him. The man appreciated him, called him his most trusted ally at times.

“You’re useless,” the false Roger sighed, shaking his head, before turning around, walking away from him up the stairs to a familiar throne.

Another specter lounged on the armrest, beckoning Roger close. Delia of Eldorn smiled at Alex. “I will marry him, you know?” she gloated, pulling Roger into her arms. “I will be his queen and you will be nothing to him.”

Alex couldn’t do anything but glare at her in helpless anger as she kissed Roger. The room wouldn’t allow him to look away and he clenched his fists in helpless anger.

This was not a fear the room showed to him. It was the reality that awaited him and there wasn’t anything he could do to change it.

But part of becoming a knight meant accepting the inevitable, and Alex knew that was a lesson he had yet to learn.

The spell broke when he heard a familiar voice call out to him. When he looked away from the throne, he saw Jon reaching out to him. He wasn’t alone. Raoul, Gary and even Alanna surrounded the prince. Now that he looked closer, he could see that they were holding him up as Jon didn’t have the power to stand on his own anymore.

Their clothes were torn, their bodies bruised. “Alex, why did you betray us?” they asked in a single, broken voice. “Why?” They took a step towards him, or maybe Alex had moved. But it was already too late.

Their flesh melted off their bones until nothing was left but empty bones and ashes.

Then Roger was in front of him again, standing over the scattered ashes of his former friends with a kind smile on his face.

“Join me, Alex.” He extended his hand, offering to help Alex up from the floor. Not for the first time, Alex noticed how blue his eyes were. It was easy to lose himself in Roger’s overwhelming presence, even easier to drown in him and Alex had always been fine with that.

A deep fear gripped Alex, making it hard to breathe. If he took Roger’s hand, everything he had just seen would come to pass.

His friends would die, and Roger would ascend the throne.

Sooner or later, Alex would lose his usefulness and he would be cast aside like everyone else.

He wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted anymore.

He didn’t take Roger’s hand.

Behind him, the doors opened. There was light. Alex stumbled outside. He hadn’t realized how much he was shaking until he tried to walk on his own. Someone came to his side to steady him.

The last thing he saw before he passed out was blue.

*

When he woke up, he was lying on a familiar couch in a room that was not his own.

“So you’re finally up.”

For a moment, Alex wanted to close his eyes again, to pretend he was still sleeping. He was not ready to face the Duke again. Not after the reality of everything he had witnessed during his Ordeal.

Nevertheless, he didn’t have a choice in the matter. Roger never liked waiting, and so Alex made a soft noise in agreement and slowly sat up. He was dressed differently. Roger must have changed his clothes. The intimacy of it sent a shiver down his spine.

Roger must have seen all the bruises he carried from his Ordeal.

“Congratulations, Alex.” Roger placed a cup of wine before him and his voice was laced with pride. Alex didn’t feel particularly proud. He had been a coward in the chamber. He had been so afraid. He was still shaking at the memory of the future he helped to create.

Roger wasn’t a fool. “What’s bothering you?” His voice was very gentle, and the whole weight of his attention was intoxicating at best, even without the compulsion of magic laced into the words. “Look at me.”

Alex raised his head, meeting those terribly blue eyes. “I saw Jon die,” he whispered, already hating himself for the weakness it showed. “I saw..”

Roger smiled. There was none of the expected anger in his eyes, no disappointment. He placed a long, graceful finger on Alex's lips to stop his words. “I know. It must be hard for you. I’m asking so much of you, after all.”

Just then, it struck Alex how truly unpredictable Roger was. Even he didn’t know what the Duke was truly thinking. So, he stayed silent even as Roger took his finger away.

“Do you want out?” The question was easy enough, and yet Alex’s lips remained sealed, his tongue too heavy to form words. Roger’s smile widened. “You’ve been so loyal to me. As long as you keep quiet, I won’t stop you.”

It was far more than Alex had expected. Roger hated nothing more than betrayal. Alex had seen how he dealt with those who were no longer useful. He remembered all the little accidents. His mind flickered back to the boar and he shuddered.

Was it normal to feel this weak even hours after the ordeal? Alex couldn’t say. He couldn’t say anything.

He stayed quiet as the minutes trickled by, Roger gazing down at him patiently. 

It was much harder to deny a real Roger.

“I thought as much.” Roger didn’t bother to hide his amusement, didn’t bother to hide that he had known Alex’s answer all along as he extended a hand for him.

This time, Alex took it. It felt like he was signing his soul away. He couldn’t find it in him to regret it.

Roger pulled him up and close, leading him through his suite until they reached his bedroom. Alex had been here often enough as a squire. Somehow, it felt different to be here now.

The implication brought heat to his cheeks and he made a point not to look at Roger as he asked very carefully, “What are we doing here?” His interest was no secret. It was hard to keep any secret from a man like Roger, but neither of them had ever made a point to address it.

Ignoring it had been fine with him. It had been safe.

“What do you think we’re doing here?” Even without seeing Roger’s face, Alex could hear the teasing smile in his voice and he gritted his teeth. He was no fool. Roger had never even so much hinted at a mutual interest and Alex had been fine with that.

“Why now?” Maybe it was the lingering tension from the ordeal, but the words came out far sharper than Alex had intended. He couldn’t remember if he had ever talked to Roger like that.

To his surprise, Roger just laughed. “You were my squire before. That would have hardly been appropriate,” he murmured, voice dropping to something deep and dangerous as he pressed a kiss to Alex’s exposed nape.

It was such an innocent gesture, but the heat traveled all the way through his body as Alex let out a traitorous gasp.

Roger took it as permission and Alex offered no resistance as Roger gently guided him to the bed, pushing him down to sit on the edge of the bed. Whenever Alex had dared to indulge his fantasies, it had always been different. After all, Roger had never struck him as the type of man who did well with submission.

Yet without hesitation, the Duke sank to his knees and unlaced Alex breeches, exposing his half-hard length to the cold air. He couldn’t turn his eyes away, mesmerized by the sight.

Some of his awe must have shown on his face, because Roger smiled up at him. The fondness in those blue eyes made his chest ache and he took a shuddering breath.

Roger took it as a signal to go ahead. His breath fanned across Alex’s sensitive skin, and heat pooled in his stomach. They had barely started and he was already embarrassingly turned on.

Whatever fantasy he had dared to have, it couldn’t measure up to reality.

Roger closed his lips around him, taking him into the tight heat of his mouth and Alex groaned helplessly. He tried to buck his hips into the sensation but an invisible force kept him pressed down onto the bed. His skin tingled with electricity. He was completely at Roger’s mercy, rendered motionless by his magic.

“Please,” he gasped with what little breath he had left in his lungs. To his surprise, Roger listened. He didn’t bother teasing him, working him with single-minded determination.

Alex couldn’t turn his eyes away. For a brief, desperate second he wished that he could hold onto this moment forever.

But Roger was far too skilled, and he was far too inexperienced to last long. His orgasm hit him hard and left him trembling. With his movement limited, he couldn’t do anything but groan Roger’s name as he desperately clutched at the sheets.

When Roger even swallowed his release, Alex couldn’t do anything but watch with wide eyes as something dark and hungry stirred in his chest.

Then, the pressure on him finally lessened and he could move again. As soon as Alex realized he had control over his body again, he grabbed Roger by the shoulders, leaning down to kiss him.

He’d never bothered to fool around much, certainly not enough to impress a man like Roger, but that hardly mattered right now. He could taste himself on the Duke’s lips. It only served to fuel his hunger.

It was Roger who finally pushed him away, getting up from his knees in the process. “How is that for a celebration?” he asked, his voice a little rougher than before, a pleased smile on his lips. It thrilled Alex to be the reason for that and now that he had tasted blood, he craved more of it.

“Was that all?” Even if Alex failed to keep the desperation out of his voice completely, the words were far more arrogant than anything he had ever said to the Duke. At the same time, Alex was sure he wouldn’t be refused.

He was no fool. There was a reason why Roger had invited him into his bed, today of all days. It was just a way to make sure Alex wouldn’t even dream of leaving their little conspiracy and Alex couldn’t bring himself to mind that.

The way Roger’s pants tented ever so slightly around his crotched proved at least, he wasn’t the only one who wanted. Alex would take whatever he could get.

“You learn quite fast,” Roger observed, something like pride flickering in his eyes and Alex knew Roger was aware that he had caught on. “I knew why I picked you to be my squire.”

The compliment made Alex shiver, desire crawling in his veins. He gave Roger a smile of his own. “You always know best.”

Roger threw his head back and laughed, and once more extended his hand. 

*

That was how Alex found himself naked on Roger’s bed, with the man plastered against his back. By now, it was hard to keep up his pretenses of being in control. Roger had coaxed him to full hardness again, and Alex could feel the Duke’s erection pressing against his ass, in a promise of what was to come.

The oiled cock slid between his cheeks, briefly brushing over his rim and Alex couldn’t help but inhale sharply. The idea itself was tantalizing and Alex groaned with want. He pushed back against the touch as if urging Roger to breach him, to actually make him his.

“Another time,” Roger murmured against his ear, pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin. “Tonight all eyes will be on you and I don’t want them to get any wrong ideas.”

Then, he thrust in between Alex’s thighs, groaning softly as he did. The friction made Alex push back to feel Roger more closely.

It was delicious torture. Roger’s quiet noises, the idea of what could be, but not enough friction to get off.

Alex lost himself in it.

He couldn’t help but plead for more until Roger wrapped long fingers around his cock, stroking him to completion as he released between his thighs.

This time, Alex almost blacked out. Exhaustion crashing over him in a sudden wave, he hadn’t anticipated.

“Sleep now.”

When he fell asleep his dreams were filled with blue and he drowned willingly.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/s_r_writer)  
> 


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